Chasing Chemistry : Part One

Art featured by Sacree Frangine.

Derrick

If this alarm goes off one more time, I’m going to lose it. I’m already up, overthinking anyway. Working in the office just feels like too much pressure lately. Let me get up and head to this coffee shop, get my usual, and prayerfully today will be different.

Laila

“I really need to think about the manuscript for this book. Mrs. Payton is acting like if she doesn’t have it by next Friday, it’s curtains for me. I just know it and honestly Shay I feel like she’s hating on my id —”

I couldn’t even finish my sentence because in he walks and my mind goes blank. His smooth chocolate skin covered in shea butter and maybe the almost empty jar of vaseline he uses, his simple yet effective tone, the cologne he wears is so sweetly vanilla but strong enough to hold you captive, and those deep brown eyes. Y’all see where I’m going right? I lower my gaze as best I can. Same time. Same order. Black coffee, light hazelnut cream, and a splash of cinnamon syrup. The drink sounded as warm as a hug from him would feel. He’d sit in the corner and type away on his laptop while occasionally looking out the windows into the crowds of people walking, take notes, read whatever book he keeps bringing, and back to typing. Always too shy to say anything to him, so I notice him when I’m here working, reading, laughing with friends and we lock eyes sometimes. The curiosity about him was starting to linger, and lingering turns to longing, and blah blah blah. I just love to notice the details.

Derrick

There she goes again. The same woman from the bookshop a few weeks ago. There was a poetry slam and she was sitting with her friends, laughing and talking before the show began. I knew she looked familiar. Work is kicking my behind today and I still have two projects I need to finish, but maybe next week we’ll talk. Is she even going to come here next week? Will I even be here next week? Nerves and everything else seemed to tighten the tie around my neck and for a second my thoughts disappeared. There’s just something about her — I love the way she wears her hijab and the colors always match the purses she chooses, and one time her natural hair was in a short fro and she looked amazing, even the latte she orders when it’s getting late in the day. She’s intriguing to me. I wonder sometimes if she’s a writer and what she’s doing, but I just never really get around to asking. I mean I’m a little afraid of rejection, but is she even single? I just need to get out of my head but I can’t. I think about showing her the drawing I made last week of her staring out the window, wondering if that would be too forward or not. Let me finish this project before she looks over here again and I get nervous and fiddle with my glasses.

Laila

“Girl say something, you just completely stopped mid sentence. I’m invested in the work drama like this is young and the restless. You can’t just stop ! And stop staring at that man he gone’ think you in love !”

Shay said practically screaming while I laughed and reached up to tell her to shhhhh. We all have at least one friend that wants to be loud and wrong, but the coffee shop wasn’t the place for that. “I know, we keep catching glances at each other but it’s never the right time, I feel like he writes poems or something. He looks familiar too. But yes, I’m not sure if I’m missing something or if I just need more life to happen, but I just don’t feel inspired lately and she literally hates everything I pitch.” I said while placing my head down on the table. Shay always rolls her eyes before she says something smart mouth and sure enough, clockwork. “You seen him in your dreams or some girl. Idk maybe that’s your husband and you’re too shy to find out. Girl don’t worry about old lady Payton, your ideas just need some electricity maybe from Mr. Glasses. Love you gotta’ go !” She grabbed her coffee, hugged me, and skipped towards the door as she headed back to work. Her days working from home were long gone but I loved that she prioritized our time together and she never missed a chance to get any kind of information out of me, just nosey and messy but my girl nonetheless.

Derrick

Well now that her friend is leaving it’s my chance to finally sp —

Incoming Call : Nate Wrenkle (DC Office)

“Derrick that proposal you sent over is looking good man, we’ll be taking them on as a client but I need you to actually go to Makou lounge and check it out.”

“Thanks Nate, I’ve stayed pretty consistent with layout designs. But remind me why Calvin can’t go?”

“Come on man he has a newborn, let him take the local ones and you take this, should be an in and out job.”

Mannn please, like any of the layout days are one day. It turns into a night of cheesing with investors instead of talking to the people in the community who will enjoy the space. The space I helped create.

“This is my last time doing this Nate, I don’t want to be out and about. My last time and I mean it, tell Calvin to bring the baby carrier next time and get in the field.”

“Yeah man I’ll tell his wife you’re the one who said that too. I appreciate it, and we’ll have travel and hotel taken care of by tonight.”

I hung up the phone so quickly and prepared to head to the office to print the official plans, I couldn’t show up unprepared and annoyed. I didn’t even notice the sweet lady leave and in a way it made my heart sink. I wanted to notice her, seemed like she was stressed. I hope I get to see her again.

Laila

You know how you see somebody having an animated conversation like an animatronic, not anything scary but more like just robotic and framed? I only caught the beginning, but that happened with Mr. Glasses. And yes since Shay said it, that’s his nickname. I chuckled thinking about it. I was crossing out ideas and thinking about new ones, listening to some arabic courses, and then Mrs. Payton texted. Saying I needed to meet her immediately, which was never anything good. I gathered everything quickly and left so I wouldn’t be late. Look, I love my editor and my publicist but this is only my second book. I’m going to get things wrong. I’m going to mess up. As a Black woman I just want space to do that once without being judged or having to be perfect. Ughhh, I just need more time. More inspiration.

Incoming Call : Boss Lady P 👠

“I take it you’re downstairs already?”

Rolls eyes, I see already she’s in a mood.

“I’m getting ready to come up now, what’s all this about? I was doing good today you know, without all this?”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

As I got on the elevator that’s all I heard in my airpod. Why’d she hang up on me? It’s always something with her but the only reason why I let her act like this is because my auntie is her soror and I told her I would act right. Otherwise, she used to babysit me when I was younger so I truly was her best and favorite client, but please lady have some sense.

I loved coming into this office. It just always felt so safe and warm. Anita Baker playing softly, the magazine covers of all the work she helped publish and all the Black Women she helped elevate. I felt like I was at home, truly.

“Well come on in and sit down, every time you come here you act like it’s the museum of wonders.”

To me, it is.

“Let’s not waste time. You’re going to DC this week. I’ll have everything taken care of. I know you mentioned to me that you were having a hard time writing this particular kind of book, and I need you to just dive deep into life for a moment. I have tickets for Ailey Friday, after that a private listening session at Makou, the press interview on Saturday. Use Sunday as a day of rest before you get back to us on Monday. Sound good?”

My eyes widened and my heart was beating faster than I could take note of. I just said I needed inspiration and here she is being Willy Wonka, so I better cheer up for Charlie and do what I need to do.

“Wow, thank you thank you thank youuuuuuu” I said as I ran over, hugged her, and kissed her cheeks like she just put money in my pocket and told me to go to the store. I needed a break and some time to clear my mind and this was going to be perfect. I couldn’t get gone from that office quick enough, before I headed home I stopped pass the archives room. There were some pieces about Black art and sacred spaces that I needed to grab. Solange was on my mind so a few of those, and then I doubled back for Ruth E. Carter and Carrie Mae Weems just to read. I was soooo ready to get home and start packing and getting things together. This was going to be absolutely magical.

Derrick

Fella Fellas (Group Chat)🐐🏀

Jermaine 5 : Aye, I hope y’all still coming this weekend. It’s only Thursday so nobody should have nothing to say.

KC : Mane I told you Janine got me going on this couples trip. You know how she do, pajamas, all that.

Derrick : Work trip this week, can’t.

Phi : Big Dog, keep it real with you ain’t nobody coming over there to celebrate no 3rd or 4th vow renewal. Y’all been married nigga ! 😭

Derrick : Emphasized iMessage

KC : Emphasized iMessage

Phi : Look at them, scared to talk and still agreeing. Let God sort em out. 🤷🏾‍♂️😂

Derrick : Man I’m just leaving work and gotta get ready for this trip. If I didn’t have to I would watch the ceremony on zoom. 🤔

KC : I am not ashamed to say this ain’t that. Bro trying to flex that new heated pool, THATS ALL !

Phi : Nigga need to get a heated Achilles. Last game almost took him out. Guess he better celebrate not limping and still getting some.

Derrick : Emphasized iMessage

KC : Emphasized iMessage

KC : Soul Men 😭😭😂😂😂

Phi : Bernie Mac with the lac back 😭😂😂😂🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

Jermaine 5 : Aight, see how y’all do. We can link when everybody back but she is trying to plan a cookout for the book club. Cool out on me and mine 😒

Jermaine 5 : Aye listen D couple of em single 👀

Phi : D wants one of them lowkey women he ain’t looking for none of what them book club, upper echelon women on. They bodies don’t even jiggle. 🤣

Derrick : Emphasized iMessage

KC : Emphasized iMessage

Derrick : What Moone Walker said 🤣😂🤷🏾‍♂️

KC : Ahhhh he a fool but you ain’t never lie 😭

Jermaine 5 : I’ll holla at y’all lata though, peace !

Jermaine 5 : Be safe and stay Black.

Phi : Dr. Umar entered the chat, man please

KC : All unified cause he mad 😂😂

Derrick : Emphasized iMessage

Derrick : Emphasized iMessage

This wasn’t the first time they tried to “set me up” or talked about me getting a “ole lady” and honestly, it was starting to dawn on me more and more. I didn’t want any more lonely nights of coming home, sticking to my routine, and that’s it. I wanted someone who wanted to be intentional about sharing that time with me, and me her. Building something. A family. Maybe it’ll come sooner than later. Maybe I’m just tired of stale flings and chasing chemistry.